An on-line advice column where I give advice for dating, relationship, marriage, sexual, and physical well being. C'mon in!

Dear Dave,

I'm a reasonably attractive 34-year-old successful professional. I work from my home, so I don't meet many men. I am trying activities to get out there, but I also placed a personal ad on the web. My responses so far have ranged from sex-crazed maniacs to people who write once, get my picture, and then are never heard from again. I'm not a super model, but I don't bark at the moon either. I'm wondering, do you have any suggestions on what I can do to expose myself to a better group of men. Are there really nice guys still out there? I'm really beginning to wonder. Thanks for your advice.

You know I get pretty much the same deal as ya with on-line ads… Though I probably would not complain about sex crazed women… It's just one of those things… *lol*

But I do understand you frustration about finding a good match out there in cyberworld. Unfortunately, there are soooooooooooo many matchmaking sites out there that it's hard finding a good one. One decent one that I actually stumbled upon from word of mouth is Singlesnet.com. Now the reason I singled this place out is because they have a very good scope of items you can describe about yourself to others. You can discuss your views on education, dating in general, musical tastes, politics, health and well being and a whole slew of other subjects. You can of course upload pictures of yourself and their best feature is their way of interaction with others. Let's say you find someone you find interesting… You shoot them a message and it strips all personal information (for your protection of course) including e-mail and substitutes a different alias for you. So when you receive an e-mail, it's not technically their's so the anonymity is still there. Kind of cool and worth the visit, so check it out… I'm sure you will find a nice guy there, we're everywhere.

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Dear Dave,

Alright Dave

I read all of your archives about blowjobs and stuff but there's nothing else that I think can help me. I LOVE dick.. I mean REALLY REALLY like to suck on them, play with them, so much that I can cum just looking at them! Now, I think I have pretty much mastered it, but I can not for the life of me make my current boyfriend cum from them after hours of sucking. What am I doing wrong? Do you have any really advanced advice or know of anything I could try? Can't seem to find anything I haven't done in that tutorial you wrote. Thanks for the help!

Woah!

*sniff* *sniff* Where oh where have the good women like you gone in the world??!!

Well, how much of your hands do you use while performing oral on him? Do ya change up the pace and rhythm? See, the really good blowjobs involve so much more than bobbing your head up and down… Ya have to use your hands and any other parts of your body you can bring into the mix. If you're well endowed (breasts that is) you can use them as well to help. (ummm… use your imagination *grin*)

Playing with testicles is KEY to great oral! Next time you are pleasing your man, pay extra careful attention to that area and make sure you ask him how he likes them boys handled. Some men prefer a light touch, others a rougher one… Lick them, suck on and just go with the flow.

Another key area is the spot right below the scrotum. While being very sensitive to touch, it is very responsive to pressure… Rubbed the right way, it can stimulate the prostate which is the male version of the g-spot and can just leave him ga-ga for a nice long time after he's done…

Need more ideas, visit your friendly neighborhood porn shop or that downstairs section of your local movie shop and find movies about this subject. None around your area?? (you wouldn't be happen to be living in the Ozarks would ya?) Visit Adamevetoys on-line to order the necessary video tapes for you kiddies. Then pick a night, watch them with him and see what the pros do that you can possibly add to your repitoire. Good luck and remember, practice, practice practice! =)

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Dear Dave,

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 9 months now. On my part it has been a roller coaster of emotions. When we first started spending time with each other I thought of it as "hanging out" Then the pace picked up. We both like each other. He deflowered me. My likeness of him grew into love……… Now our conversations on the phone leaves me sad and headaches. He asks me questions about my past flings. I answer them. But when I return the line of questioning, he pauses and run in circles. Til I get an anger in my voice then he elaborates. He has told me that he wanted me to dress a certain way…. showing off my body. But then contradicts when he says don't dress for guys. What?!

I'm currently unemployed and haven't gotten "my life" in order in respect to a career, financial stability, etc… I love him with all my heart but at times I want to take a break from our relationship in order to get myself into a career. I have discussed this with him and he always gets this idea that I want our relationship to be OVER. And I don't. He's understanding but sensitive at heart. I've neglected my well-being. I've been lethargic which leads me to be 18lbs overweight in the course of 9 months. Not good. To makes matters worse, he makes fun of me, saying "let me pinch you there" I could take it….. but now I can't. The words really hurt. It doesn't bother me when he buys a MAXIM or Penthouse knowing that I know he doesn't buy it for the articles. It bothers me when he LIES about it. I know guys are pigs. Period. Just last night, he told me, "sometimes you don't have to tell the truth in order to not hurt one's feelings" I was surprised with that statement. So in other words, he has been lying to me at times? I can only speak for myself. I've been honest with my relationship with him. He asked me questions that I know I shouldn't answer, but I answer because that's me. Open, blunt person.

My main reason writing to you Dave, is because I need advice. I read your advice on this site and you're very enlightening. This is first time I'm asking for advice from an outside source. This is my first serious relationship with a man I'm in love with. But why is it sometimes I hate him? We fight over the stupidest of things. He has hurt me with words. But ya see they're just words? I've been a stronger person (dealing w/emotions) before him….. and since I've my guard down….. I let it get to me. Is best for me to call it quits with this relationship? Yes, I love him. I think about him everyday. But I haven't been selfish to me. I shouldn't lose myself…..

Any words of encouragement is highly appreciated.

First off, thanks for the kind comments. =)

Second of all, not all guys are pigs… Stupid perhaps, but definitely not pigs. And yes, most of us are asses as well and it looks like you are dating one though fortunately, you have answered your own question. That's the one funny thing about love, it changes people for the better and also leaves you way open to get hurt by those people looking to take advantage of you. It sounds to me as if your boyfriend has a few issues with self-esteem or he wouldn't be looking to hurt you so much with his verbal abuse. Words are never "just words" and hopefully you will remember that from now on… Sometimes words are a hell of alot more painful than anything physical could ever be.

It's sad that this had to be your first serious relationship because it really isn't like this with someone who loves you and knows how to show it properly. Hopefully, you have already realized that you need to leave this relationship ASAP and start on your way to moving on. Take care!

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Dear Dave,

My fiancee finally confessed that she has been using a vibrator for the past 6 years. While I have suspected her to be masturbating (heck, I do!) she has denied it all along saying "I tried it once and it didn't really do anything for me" and besides, I figured even if she was lying that she was only using her fingers. Now don't get me wrong, the fact that my girl uses a vibe IS a huge turn-on, my problem is that I have heard of women becoming addicted to vibrators, and even desensitized to the point that a man can do very little for them sexually. I would like to know what can be done to prevent these problems, and also any suggestions as to how "Slim Jim" can add to and not take away from our sex lives. You can definitely make this a public letter, as I am sure I am not the only guy facing this dilema.

Ok, from what I know, you do and really do not have anything to worry about so allow me to explain.

First off, the reason why she probably kept it a secret from you is that she thinks it's a bad thing to acknowledge. Perhaps her sis or mom told her it was a bad thing to do, or perhaps an ex of hers made her feel bad for doing it or if she's religious, then fawgeddaboutit… This is the *least* of her worries… So now since she has revealed this information to you, it's your job to make her completely feel at ease that she does this. Praise her, let her know how sexy it makes her, make sure you do not make her feel inadequate or insecure in any way or she won't share much of anything else with ya EVER. Almost everyone does it though it's always been my belief that those who say they don't masturbate are either lying or are way too boring to deal with in the first place.

Now to answer your questions… I really doubt that women can become addicted to using a vibrator simply because how much fun can repeatedly using a lifeless object be (ok, ok, some men out there make vibrators look good but don't condemn us all)? Now don't get me wrong, if there's not anyone around to fulfill her desires, a vibrator is great for relieving everyday stresses. Look at us?! We whack off how many times a week (or a day with others… hehe), yet it can never really compare to how amazing it feels with another person. It's a good tool and a decent substitute, but is not as good as the real thing when the real thing is used properly. Like comparing apples and oranges.

As for loss of sensitivity, you are correct there my friend. Way repeated use does cause a desensitization of the clitoris and makes it hard to climax without it's help. But all is not lost Daniel-san… Use of a vibrator or dildo can be a tremendous positive asset to a couple's sex lives. If you enjoy going down on your fiancee, using a vibrator while you're doing your magic will send her to some real nice places… If you (or she) use her vibrator to stimulate her clitoris while you are having sex, it feels AMAZING since the vibrations will also affect you as well. Just don't do this every single time you guys have sex… Rather, make it a nice treat for a "once in a while" thing… Hope this helps and if ya have any more questions, please shoot 'em right back at me.

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